Gotcha!
by Morgan
Summary: A L/J fic, but more realistic. Lily doesn't fall in love with James the instant she meets him.
1. In the Beginning...

**Disclaimer:** **Though I REALLY wish it weren't true, all of the characters here belong to the oh-so-lucky J.K. Rowling. Now that that's done, on with the fic.**

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"All right, then. We'll see you at Christmas," said her mother with a proud look on her face. "Have a good time at school. Be sure to wri— I mean, send us lots of owls," her father said, trying to ignore Petunia's insistent demands to leave the train station.

Finally, they left-- her parents proud but sad that they wouldn't see their young daughter for at least three and a half months, her sister triumphant.

Lily gulped. She wished her parents would've stayed a bit longer. She felt lost. Come to think of it, she _was_ lost. She couldn't find the sign for platform nine and three-quarters and time was running out. She was looking around frantically, squinting her eyes and contemplating whether or not to take out her wand, when suddenly, she heard a voice say, "Hogwarts, right?"

She looked up. Two tall boys, probably in their early teens, were grinning at her. They also were lugging around huge trunks with an owl cage on top.She self-consciously started smoothing her hair when she realized that she hadn't answered their question.

"Um, yeah," she muttered. She was always shy around strangers, especially boy strangers. Around her girl friends, she was perky and fun, but around guys, she always froze up.

"You just have to go through the barrier over there," said the one with the glasses, pointing. "And by the way, your hair looks fine."

Lily realized that she was still smoothing her unruly hair. She quickly jammed her hands into her pockets and turned as red as her fiery locks. The boys just laughed.

"Last one through is a rotten egg!" the other boy yelled. He raced toward the barrier. "Cheater!" the one with glasses yelled, and proceeded to follow.Lily held her breath, trying to ignore the curious bystanders. When the boys were just a few feet away from the barrier, Lily braced herself, anticipating a very loud crash. She waited. And waited. 

But instead of crashing, they _disappeared_. Lily blinked, and decided to follow them. She didn't really have a choice, since there were only five minutes left. She took a deep breath, looked around to see that no one was watching, and practically sprinted towards the barrier.

When she finally got through, she very shakily exhaled and looked around. A scarlet steam engine was waiting there, and people were scrambling around with their trunks, trying to find an empty compartment.

She was trying to drag her trunk into a compartment, when she heard a familiar voice say, "What took you so long?" It was the two boys again.

'Oh, great,' she thought to herself. She ignored them and continued to struggle with her trunk. 

"Need help?" asked the one with corrective lenses. "My name's James, by the way."

Before Lily could say anything, James had taken the other side of the trunk and started to drag it onto the train. The other boy came over, too.

"Blimey, what do you have in here? Your barbell collection?" grunted the boy who Lily assumed was James' friend. "Your trunk was a lot heavier than this, Sirius," said James.

"Well, duh! Dungbombs and Filibuster's Fireworks weigh a lot!" said Sirius. 

When they had safely stowed away Lily's trunk, James and Sirius disappeared. Lily sat down by the window, feeling rather lonely. The train had just started to move when they came back, with another boy who had light brown hair and nice eyes. 

"This is Remus," said Sirius. "Do you mind if we sit here? This is the only compartment that isn't occupied by a teacher or a Slytherin."

'Yes, I do mind,' thought Lily, who didn't want to spend the next few hours with a bunch of jokesters, but she thought that would be rude and kept her mouth shut. "No," she said.

The three boys plopped down into seats and started joking around and talking. Lily stayed out of their conversation, but she managed to pick up that the three were 3rd years at Hogwarts, and that they were all in Gryffindor. Lily had read through all her books before she came so she wouldn't be _too_ far behind everyone else. She had decided that she'd like to be in Gryffindor, but now was having second thoughts about it. The Gryffindors seemed like mischievous, prankster types, and she was neither.

'Maybe Ravenclaw would be better,' she was thinking, when she realized that Remus had asked her a question.

"Huh?" she asked. "I said, what's your name?" repeated Remus.

"Oh, um, it's Lily," she said.

"Lily what?" asked Sirius.

"Lily Evans," she replied.

"You'll probably be one of the first to be sorted," said James. 

"Sorted?" asked Lily, who hadn't the foggiest idea what that was. She hadn't read anything about sorting in any of her books.

"Yeah, sorted. Into one of the houses. You know what those are, don't you?" asked James.

"Yes," said Lily. Then, cautiously, she asked, "This sorting thing, it doesn't hurt, does it?"

"Not really," said James with utmost sincerity. "A few broken bones and bloody noses maybe, but nothing life-threatening."

"He's just kidding," Remus assured the horrified Lily. "You just have to try on a hat."

"A-a hat?" asked Lily, bewildered.

"Yeah," said James, glaring at Remus. Then, slowly, he started grinning slyly. 

"When you try it on, you have to repeat everything it says to you," James said. "Talk really loud. Then the teachers will tell you what house you're in." 

For some reason, Sirius started snickering. Lily couldn't see why; it seemed much less painful than the other version James had told her. Remus started to say something, but Sirius and James jumped up and dragged him out of the compartment. Lily sighed and slept for the rest of the trip.

About an hour later, Lily found herself in the Great Hall, waiting to be sorted. She breathed a sigh of relief when a teacher, who had introduced herself as Professor McGonagall, set a wizard's hat down onto a stool.

After a few seconds, the hat started singing, but Lily wasn't listening. She was too mesmerized by the enchanted ceiling. She was busy searching for the constellation Andromeda when she heard her name being called.

She hurried up to the stool and gingerly placed the hat on her head. She heard a small voice in her year saying, " Hmm…rather studious…a nice mind too…perhaps Ravenclaw would be best…but what's this? A brave heart and a courageous spirit…however…" 

The hat continued like this for at least a minute, debating whether to put her in Gryffindor or Ravenclaw. All the while, Lily repeated everything that the hat was saying to her as loudly as she could.

After a while, she noticed that the teachers and the other students were laughing at her. She stopped in mid-sentence as Professor McGonagall whispered to her, "Miss Evans, what _are_ you doing?"

"I-I thought that we were supposed the repeat everything the hat told us, so that you could sort us…" whispered Lily, who was on the brink of tears.

"No, _we_ don't sort you. The _hat_ does," said Professor McGonagall in a pitying sort of voice. Just then, the hat shouted, "GRYFFINDOR!"

Lily realized then that she'd been fooled. As she rushed to the Gryffindor table, she heard James laughing. She gave him the coldest glare she could manage, which only made him laugh harder. She vowed that she'd get him back for making her look like an idiot in front of the whole school.

** **

**A/N: BTW, I wrote this before J.K. Rowling slipped that Lily's last name was Evans. I changed it, to satisfy all those annoying technical nitpickers out there, (including myself, I admit.) But the sorting thing is a little off now, because "Evans" most probably wouldn't be first in line, and Lily would have known from watching other people that she wasn't supposed to talk during the sorting. But just bear with me, all right? Or pretend that maybe during Lily's year there wasn't anybody who's last name began with A, B, C, or D, however unlikely. Thanx ****J******

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	2. A Sticky Situation

** **

Lily didn't get a chance to beat up or at least slap James for several weeks. She was too busy trying to find her way around the castle and trying to make new friends. She became good friends with two of her roommates, Celeste Williams and Kyla Jacobson. However, she soon got her chance to humiliate James at the first quidditch match.

Since she hadn't learned enough magic yet to curse him, she decided to settle for a more classic trick. She had learned from passing conversations that James played seeker for the Gryffindor team, so she decided to get him back at the first quidditch match against Slytherin, when everyone was sure to be there. She didn't want to do anything to sabotage the actual _game_, (Lily had come to hate the Slytherins very quickly, and didn't want them to win either the house or the quidditch cup) so she went for something that would embarrass James _after_ the game.

The night before the quidditch match, Lily snuck into the boy's dormitory. Everyone was downstairs in the common room, nervously talking about tomorrow's match. She quietly took a tube out of the pocket of her robes. It read: Suki's Super Glue- Eternally sticks together any two non-living things. Won't dry out until two or more things are firmly stuck together. Won't stick to hands or any other living thing.

Kyla's brother had gotten it for her from Zonko's. She didn't really have any use for it, so she had let Lily have it. Lily had tried it out cautiously, dabbing a little bit onto a bit of parchment and then slowly poking her finger into the little blob. It hadn't stuck to her finger at all, she hadn't even been able to feel it. But when she dabbed her old quill into it, she hadn't been able to pull them apart, forcing her to throw away both.

She grinned as she squeezed an ample amount onto the handle of James' broom. The glue was invisible, and you couldn't feel it at all, so James wouldn't know about it until it was too late. She leaned the broom against the wall as she'd found it, carefully making sure that the glue did not come in contact with the wall.

­­­­­_______________________________________________________________________________________________

"And they're off!" yelled the announcer. Lily smiled. James still hadn't realized that his quidditch robes and broomstick were more adhered together than a tongue to a cold metal pole. 

She was very excited to be there; this was her first time watching a quidditch match, after all. But her focus was mainly on James as he wove through all the other players, looking for the snitch.

Suddenly, he spotted it hovering about five feet above the grass. He pulled into a sharp dive and caught it. Triumphantly, he landed on the grass among his cheering teammates. However, when he tried to dismount his broom, he found that he couldn't.

"What the--" James looked up into Lily's smug face and realization dawned on him.

"What's the matter?" asked Sirius, who had noticed that James was still on his broom. "You—you're not _stuck_, are you?"

"Shut up," said James, trying to muster up a smile but failing. Instead, he hurried off the field in a _very_ uncomfortable gait, trying to ignore Sirius' howls.

"Gotcha," whispered Lily, smirking.

** **

** **


	3. "Oh, I've Got No Strings..."

James finally managed to detach his quidditch robes and broomstick. Except now his broom had a red patch on the handle and his robes had a big hole in them. After trying unsuccessfully to magic them apart, he had opted for a pair of shiny silver scissors.

'I'll have to go to Hogsmeade before the next match to get some new robes,' he thought annoyedly, 'Or the girls will have a fit.'

Remembering the look on Lily's face after the game, he became determined to strike back. 

"Watch out, Lily Evans. The tables will be turning soon," he said to no one in particular. With that, he pocketed his wand and went downstairs for breakfast.

***

Lily sat at the Gryffindor table, joking around with Kyla and Celeste. Professor Dumbledore was boring them with his usual after-meal announcements, and Lily couldn't wait to get outside and explore the Hogwarts grounds. It was a perfect day, and since it was Saturday, she could spend it doing whatever she wanted.

She was musing about what she would do first, when suddenly, she found herself jumping up and down with her hand raised. She didn't know why she was doing this; it was as if something, or _someone, _was controlling her body. All the students started staring at her with incredulous looks on their faces. 

"Why, thank you, Lily!" said Dumbledore, beaming. 

"Huh?" said Lily, confused.

"In all my years at Hogwarts, no one has been _this_ enthusiastic about scrubbing the old cauldrons down in the dungeon! Especially on a beautiful day like this!" continued Dumbledore.

"Scrubbing the old caul--?!" Lily sputtered. "But--but…"

Seething, she immediately looked over at where James was sitting. He was reading a book, which he held up so Lily could see the title. It was called: the complete guide to making human puppets out of your enemies.

Lily glared at James, then told Professor Dumbledore that there had been a mistake.

"Oh, no, there's no mistake," said Professor Dumbledore. "You just volunteered your whole day to cleaning the old potions from the magic cauldrons. Don't worry, you should be done before dinner time."

"Dinner time!" Lily all but yelled. "But can't you just clean the cauldrons by magic?"

"Not these," said Professor Dumbledore patiently. "Most cauldrons can be scoured by a flick of the wand, but these cauldrons must be cleaned up by hand."

Lily started to say something, but Professor Dumbledore held up his hand and told her to report to the dungeon as soon as she was done with breakfast.

Lily sat down heavily, homicide in mind if James dared to laugh. But he only stared at her innocently and pretended to be deeply absorbed in his book. 

'That's it, James Potter! You're _really_ asking for it!' she thought, angrily anticipating wasting an entire day up to her elbows in filthy gunk. 

Petunia had always told her to give as good as you get, and for once, Lily decided to take her sister's advice.

# To be continued…

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**A/N:_August 6, 2000_—I just wanted to say that I wrote this _before_ GoF came out, so I didn't know that this was an Unforgivable Curse. Just pretend that for this story it's a Perfectly Forgivable Curse, 'kay? **

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	4. How Rude...

** **

Lily was still fuming from the business with the cauldrons, though it had been over a week ago. Her hands still stank of the potion fumes, though she had tried everything from muggle antibacterial gel to a potion that was supposed to make each individual finger smell like a different kind of flower. 

However, there had been one advantage to scrubbing the cauldrons. While she had been down in the freezing dungeons, she had come across a loose stone. When she finally was able to pry it out, she had found several packets of Zonko's products, including things like itching powder and hair-growing lotion.

'Kind of like the opposite of Nair,' she'd thought. Then, she'd secretly taken a small sample of each to possibly use later. 

'James will love this,' she'd thought evilly. Then, sighing, she'd resumed her Cinderella role once more.

***

Unfortunately, Lily didn't get to use any of her newfound treasures for over a month. Since they were in separate years, (something she was very thankful for,) she never saw James much except for at mealtimes. But he and his friends weren't around then, either. They spent all of their free time haunting the library, searching all the books on transfiguration, though Lily had no idea why. Transfiguration was James' best subject. 

'He must have some ulterior motive,' she decided.

However, on the day before the Christmas holidays, James and his friends managed to show up for lunch. Lily jumped at this opportunity, knowing that she would not have another chance to get him back until after the holidays. 

She had Kyla and Celeste distract the boys with annoying questions that a stupid 1st year might ask. Then, when she was sure nobody was looking, she dumped an entire packet of belching powder into a jug of pumpkin juice. 

'Good thing that James sits at the Gryffindor table,' she thought, trying to hide her smile. 'Otherwise I'd have to go across the room to play tricks on him, and I'm not sure he's worth that.'

"Ah, great! Pumpkin juice! I was all out. Let me see that," Peter Pettigrew said, greedily reaching for Lily's jug.

Lily nearly shouted, "No!" but she managed to restrain herself.

"Why don't you try milk instead, Peter?" she coaxed. "I heard it's better for you than pumpkin juice, and it prevents osteoporosis too."

"Oh, yeah, whatever," said the very gullible boy.

"Well, since Lily probably doesn't care whether _I_ get osteoporosis or not, I'm sure she won't mind giving _me_ some of her pumpkin juice," said James in a gallant voice.

"Of course not," said Lily as sweetly as possible. Then, to James' amazement, she swiftly poured some juice into James' cup, nearly knocking it over.

"Uh, thanks," said James in a suspicious voice.

"No problem," said Lily with even more honey than before.

Still eyeing her warily, James started to joke around with Sirius. They were making up new lyrics to the Hogwarts song; lyrics that made fun of the teachers and of the Slytherins. They were singing quietly so that nobody could hear them, but Professor McGonagall with her bat's ears was able to pick out a few words that James was singing.

"Mr. Potter!" she shouted. James and Sirius stopped abruptly. The entire room went quiet.

"Yes?" asked James a bit sheepishly. Perhaps he shouldn't have put in that part about her beady eyes. Professor McGonagall had always been a bit sensitive about her eyes.

"Since you enjoy singing your little song so much," said Professor McGonagall sarcastically, "Perhaps you wouldn't mind standing up and singing one for us."

James grinned. He didn't mind this sort of thing. In fact, he enjoyed it. He stood up on his chair and took a big swig of pumpkin juice so his throat wouldn't be too dry.

Lily clapped a hand to her mouth. Celeste and Kyla followed suit. This was almost too hilarious. Not only would James have to cope with belching all day long, he'd have to do it with all of his classmates and teachers watching.

James took a deep breath, but before he could sing a note, a deep burp came out instead.

The entire school froze with horror. Then, little titters began to break out. Suddenly, somebody let out a big guffaw and the whole school was howling. Even the teachers were chuckling, except for a very angry Professor McGonagall who thought he had done it on purpose.

James sat down with a red face. He was obviously embarrassed but not _too_ affected, which was good, because Lily would hated to imagine what he'd do to her if she had totally humiliated him. 

Sirius was roaring with laughter. "Nice one!" he managed to gasp out to James. Professor McGonagall, however, didn't share Sirius' view.

"Come with me, Mr. Potter," said Professor McGonagall in her quietest, most dangerous voice.

James tried to explain, but the only thing that came out was an even bigger belch, which only made the students laugh harder, not to mention make Professor McGonagall even angrier. 

He felt somebody slip something into his hand. Turning around, he saw it was Lily. He glanced at the wadded up piece of paper in his hand. He unfolded it just enough to reveal the words Belching Powder before he hastily shoved it into the pocket in his robes. He wisely decided to follow Professor McGonagall without opening his mouth.

Lily chuckled. She knew that James would not have a chance to get her back during the holidays, since she was going home for Christmas. He'd probably think up some elaborate hoax to play on her. In the meantime, however, she planned to think up some tricks of her own.


	5. Obedience Sucks, but Playing Mouse is Ev...

**Disclaimer: I hate writing these; who reads 'em, anyway? You do? *cough, cough* _loser_ *cough, cough* Just kidding. Well, if you don't know who MWPP and Lily belong to, then you shouldn't be reading this. Also, the idea for the first bit of this story is kinda sorta taken from _Ella Enchanted_. I know, I know, I should be tarred and feathered for not being able to come up with my own ideas, but it was so _perfect_. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, that's ok; I don't either.**

It was the day before classes were to resume. James and his friends had spent the entire holiday poring over all the Transfiguration books, searching for scraps of information on Animagus transformations. He was beginning to spend more time in the library than the Ravenclaws, if that was humanly possible. He decided to take a break and have a little fun by getting back at Lily Evans before she got him. It was his turn, anyway, but who knew whether that damned red-head would play fair or not?

James was sitting up in bed, reading a book from the ample light given off by his wand. It was a book of curses that he and Sirius had managed to swipe from the restricted section. They hadn't really used it yet, unless you counted the few harmless pranks pulled on Severus Snape and his Slytherin posse. But now James was scouring the pages looking for the perfect spell to cast on Lily while Sirius across the room kept making random suggestions over Peter's snores.

"Sprouting another arm? Hmmm… nah, that's too cruel, even for me," James said, slowly flipping through the pages. 

"How about Spontaneous Hair Sprouting?" proposed Sirius. 

"Er, no," said James, "I don't want anything that will gross _me_ out too."

Growling with frustration, he kept flipping through the book, nearly tearing the pages out. Suddenly, he stopped and looked at one of the curses. An _obedience_ charm! How perfect! Lily'd have to obey every command issued to her, even embarrassing or hard ones. Even if the teachers caught him, they'd probably love him for giving them a whole new definition of teacher's pet.

James grinned gleefully as he carefully closed the book and tucked it in its hiding place behind the nightstand. Remus, who had been having trouble getting to sleep due to the slowly waxing moon, called out softly, "Just don't be too hard on her, James. She's only a 1st year, after all."

James snorted. Being a 1st year didn't seem to stop Lily from pulling one on him whenever she could.

"Don't worry," Sirius assured Remus. "She's only getting what she deserves."

'_And then some,'_ James added silently. 

***

Lily sat at the Gryffindor table, nibbling on her toast and smiling. She was remembering the horrified look that had come over Petunia's horsey face whenever Lily had done some magic trick in front of her over the holidays. Not real magic, of course, just joke stuff that Lily had picked up at Dervish and Bang's just for the occasion. Suddenly, she felt a sharp tingly feeling at the base of her spine. She rubbed the spot and the feeling went away. She glanced over at James suspiciously, but he wasn't looking at her. Shrugging, she went back to eating her breakfast. 

She was half listening to a 7th year girl named Kay moan about how she hadn't finished her Potions essay. Lily started to say that she probably wouldn't have had any trouble finishing her essay had she not spent all her free time chasing after boys, but stopped just in time. She _was _only a 1st year after all, and she had heard disturbing stories about what the upperclassmen would do to impertinent 1st years. Unfortunately, Kay had sharp ears and overheard Lily's first words.

"What did you say?" asked Kay, arching her pencil-thin eyebrows.

"Um, nothing," said Lily quickly.

"Tell me," ordered Kay.

Strangely, Lily found herself unable to stop herself. "I said, you probably wouldn't have any trouble finishing your essay if you hadn't wasted all your time chasing after guys," she said, then clamped her hand over her mouth in horror. Beside her, Kyla began to giggle.

Kay turned red and started to stand up. "You'd better watch it, little girl," she said slowly. "I'll let you off this time, because you're only a pathetic little 1st year, but if I catch you saying anything like that again, you're going to be getting to know Madam Pomfrey _really_ well."

"I-I'm sorry," Lily managed to squeak, but Kay had already left.

"Why'd you say that?" asked Kyla, half admiringly and half nervously.

"I don't know," said Lily honestly. "I just couldn't help myself."

It was like that for all of her morning classes. Lily found herself unable to stop herself from obeying any and every order issued to her. Thankfully, the stupid Slytherins didn't notice and didn't order her to do anything too drastic.Lily, of course, knew what was happening, and who'd done it, but she didn't know how long it would last. She shuddered to think what Snape would do if he learned of her predicament.

During lunch, as she and Celeste were walking to the Gryffindor table with loaded trays, another tingly feeling penetrated her spine. This time, when she looked over, James was looking at her with a smirk on his lips. She glared at him as he mouthed, "Gotcha."

She felt somebody else looking at her and saw at Kay at the other end of the Gryffindor table, glowering at her. 

"Great," Lily muttered. "I now have a nearly fully trained witch for an enemy."

"Not to mention, she's twice your size both vertically and horizontally," remarked Celeste. Lily giggled, then sobered up. She hoped that the second tingly feeling meant that the curse was wearing off. 

Sure enough, when a 3rd year Lily didn't know unknowingly ordered her to pass the juice, she was able to refuse, beaming widely. She breathed a sigh of relief, ignoring the 3rd year who called her a little brat to his friends.

***

Sirius, however, was rather disappointed. 

"You only cursed her for half a day?" he asked, incredulously. They were back in the library, doing what they always did in their spare time after they finished eating. "Please don't tell me you're losing your touch. All this time being surrounded by books must have made you gone soft."

"Shut up," snapped James, irritated. "Half a day was enough."

"I thought you really hated her," Peter piped up.

"I do!" yelled James quickly, too quickly. That wasn't entirely true. He didn't have a crush on her, (oh, hell no!) but he did admire her just the tiniest, most miniscule bit for being the only girl in the school who was willing to retaliate instead of tattling on him every time he played a prank. He grabbed a book and started thumbing through it. He wasn't even reading, just trying to hide his furiously red face. His friends wisely decided not to say any more, though they exchanged grins when James wasn't looking.

***

"I don't see what you're grinning about," said Celeste, surprised. "If _I_ had an bowling ball like Kay for an enemy, I'd be running for cover."

Lily giggled. "Don't worry about it," she told her friend. "This is the one time where 'Elephants never forget' isn't true. I reckon Kay's memory is worse than Peter Pettigrew's, and he's famous for forgetting his own name once a month. But anyway, I need you to help me…"

Lily glanced around to make sure nobody else was listening, then illustrated her plan to get back at James to Celeste. By the time Lily finished, Celeste was grinning too.

"Oh, I _wish_ I could see the look on his face…" Celeste said a bit loudly.

"Shush," scolded Lily. "It hasn't happened yet, and who knows how it'll turn out? Just help me learn the charm and we'll see what happens."

***

James and his friends were just about to enter the Transfigurations classroom when a pretty girl with a huge smile plastered on her face bumped into him. He didn't know who she was, but apparently she knew him.

"James Potter!" she cried dramatically, "What a surprise to run into _you_ here."

He recognized her now. One of Lily's friends; a 1st year, most likely. Calista or something. 

"Er, I go to school here," he said.

"So you do," she said. She seemed to be struggling to make small talk. "You, um, you're on the quidditch team, aren't you? Seeker, right?" As she said this, she was looking around wildly, as if trying to find something or someone. 

"Um, yeah," he said suspiciously. His friends had entered the classroom without him and he knew he had to join them soon or McGonagall would have his head. 

"Listen, um, Calis--"

"Celeste," she corrected him.

"Oh, yeah, um, Celeste. I kind of have to go--"

He stopped abruptly as a burning feeling penetrated his throat but quickly disappeared. He rubbed his neck, surprised, but Celeste grinned at him and sprinted off, giving him only a hasty "See ya."

Shaking his head, he entered the Transfiguration classroom.

***

Celeste ran straight to Lily, who was hiding behind the corner.

"Did it work?" Lily asked in a hushed tone.

"I'm not sure, but I think it did. It _should_ work. _Muris Vocis_ isn't a complicated charm, and you're good at charms anyway," whispered Celeste.

Chuckling, they walked outside to the greenhouses for Herbology.

***

Meanwhile, James was finding himself in a very serious predicament. Any small feelings of admiration he might have had for a certain red-head had utterly vanished, along with his voice. 

Normally very pleasant sounding, his voice now sounded very much like tiny Professor Flitwick's, which was not good, especially for a young teenage male. He sat there, ignoring his friends' suppressed chortles, dreaming up exotic curses to use on that little twerp, and praying like hell that the professor wouldn't call on him. Unfortunately…

"Mr. Potter, what is the incantation used to turn a mouse into a ball of cotton?" came Professor McGonagall's voice.

James shot a desperate look at Sirius, who only shrugged and snickered. James glared at him, then whispered hesitantly, "Um, I don't know?" Several people around him giggled.

"What was that?" asked McGonagall sharply. 

"I don't know!" James squeaked furiously, trying vainly to make his voice as normal-sounding as possible. At this, the entire class broke out in titters. James felt his face going very red. He knew the spell, of course, but he didn't think his voice could handle it.

Professor McGonagall looked at him with a pitying look. James knew that she assumed his voice was only going through natural changes. So, thankfully, she was gentle with him. 

"I'm surprised at you, Mr. Potter. Transfiguration is your best subject! And exams are only a few weeks away! But, I guess, nobody can know everything. Just pay attention next time!"

James nodded miserably. Professor McGonagall didn't call on him again during the entire class, but the damage was already done. Snape would hear about this soon enough, and he'd have to deal with him, but first, Lily was going _down_!


	6. The One Where Something Explodes

**Disclaimer: This is the fic that never ends, it just goes on and on, my friends. Some people started reading it, not knowing what it was, and they'll continue reading it forever just because this is the fic that never--oh, sorry. Getting back on the subject, Antler Boy and Flower Girl belong to the Supreme Mugwump J.K. Rowling, but their personalities are at _my_ mercy. BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!**

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His voice returned to normal by the end of the day, thank goodness, and James decided that for his next trick he'd stick with something simple instead of going out of his way to learn some elaborate curse. Lily wasn't worth the effort, anyway. So, he put aside his spell books and walked to the far corner of his dorm room, where there was a secret compartment full of dungbombs, trick candy, the works. Grinning, he removed one object and carefully sealed the compartment back up again. Now all he needed to do was enlist the help of somebody who took the same classes with Lily.

***

Lily was having trouble suppressing her gag reflex as she peeled and chopped and mashed and measured her ingredients to make a simple sleeping potion. Personally, she'd rather suffer from insomnia than drink something that contained spider guts and armadillo bile and whatnot. She tried not to breathe or grimace while measuring out dragon dung, the last ingredient, but it was no use.

To take her mind off the smell, she instead turned to look at Professor Jenkins, the Potions Mistress. She was looking around the classroom with a steely glint in her eye, just daring somebody to make trouble. She wasn't a bad sort; in fact she was very pleasant outside of class, but in the classroom she was like a tiger. Even the tiniest mistakes did not go unpunished, whether they were intentional or accidental. And if she pinned you as the culprit, there was no getting out of it, even if the rest of the class vouched for you. Needless to say, all of her students were on their toes every time they entered the dungeons.

Lily knew that she should wait until after class to wash her hands, but she simply couldn't wait. She was going to be sick if she had to smell dragon dung for just another second. She made her way to the stone basin to wash off her hands under the cold water from the gargoyle's mouth. When she came back to her cauldron, she noticed something foreign floating in her potion. 

Just when she realized what it was, the potion exploded, drenching her and several people around her. She didn't get any in her mouth, so the sleeping potion didn't take effect on her, but other people around her started to slowly sink to their knees with eyes half-shut and a blissful, sleepy smile on their lips. 

Lily thrashed around wildly, trying to find something to wipe off her face with, when she noticed a crimson towel that had been _conveniently_ laid out for her on her desk. Picking it up, she noticed the familiar word "Gotcha!" written on it in gold. Well of course it was one of James' tricks. None of the dweebs in her class would have the brains or the courage to do something like this in Potions class. She quickly wiped off her face and hastily shoved the towel behind her back as Professor Jenkins approached her the flashing eyes.

"Well, well," said the professor, surveying the damage. Her dangerously quiet voice was barely over a whisper, but it cut like a knife. Lily knew that it was hopeless, but she tried to explain herself anyway.

"Professor, I--" 

Professor Jenkins cut her off with a razor-sharp glare. Lily later swore that she heard the professor growl.

"You're the girl who cleaned up the magic cauldrons before, aren't you?" Professor Jenkins asked with a twisted smile on her face. Lily nodded, though she felt her heart sinking horribly.

"Well then," the professor continued, her smile growing wider, "I'm sure you'll have no trouble doing it again a second time this Saturday."

Lily nodded, feeling tears of embarrassment and anger stinging her eyes. But the professor wasn't finished. 

"But first, you'll clean up your mess. And I'll be seeing you tomorrow. In detention."

Lily slowly began packing up her things as Professor Jenkins went to restore the sleeping people, who were now snoring soundly. She ignored Kyla and Celeste's sympathetic glances and marched out of the cold dungeons, wishing that the Crucio curse wasn't illegal. She'd have to find some other way to make James Potter's life a living hell.


	7. Lily Plays Picasso and a...Tomato???

** **

Lily wanted to kill him. Slow, painful, _excruciatingly _painful homicide. But, said her rational side, it was hardly worth going to Azkaban over James Potter. Besides, there were worse things than death, though she wouldn't wish the Kiss on anybody, not even him. She might be doing him a favor to put him out of his misery, but…no. She'd just have to go for something that would give him a taste of his own medicine.

Speaking of medicine, that was exactly what her hands smelled like, after yet _another_ round of scrubbing the cauldrons. Not only that, but during detention, dear old Professor Jenkins had made her write several long, embarrassing notes of apology to the people she'd drugged with her sleeping draught. She never found out which jerk James had gotten to put one of Dr. Filibuster's Fabulous Wet-Start, No-Heat Fireworks into her cauldron, but she had her suspicions. Probably that Hufflepuff twit Gilderoy Lockhart, who was always eager to please the older students. 

This time, Lily decided that it wouldn't be enough to simply _embarrass_ James; she was going to make him do manual labor like she'd had to do _twice_ already.

***

James was in a good mood. Him and his friends had _finally _managed to piece together the entire complicated spell for Animagus Transformations. Now all that they needed to do was to actually perform it. He suspected that actually working the spell would be much harder than finding it, but they had plenty of time. The only bad thing was, the end of the year was already approaching, and since they couldn't do it at any other place than Hogwarts, they'd have to wait yet _another_ year before they could accompany Remus.

He was in such a good mood, in fact, that he didn't notice his lucky quill had gone missing until Potions.

"Whatcha looking for, James?" Sirius asked him.

"My quill," he replied grumpily. "Have you--" He stopped abruptly as he heard Sirius laughing.

"Oh, shut up," he said, but Sirius kept on laughing. James looked up, puzzled. Sirius hadn't laughed this hard since a certain incident the previous week involving Snape and green Jell-O. But Sirius wasn't laughing at him, he was laughing at something behind him. James quickly turned around and felt the blood draining from his face.

There was his lucky quill, still dripping with ink, on the stone floor on the south side of the dungeon. And, directly above it, was an over-exaggerated but well detailed caricature of Professor Jenkins, complete with the rather large nose, (quaffle-sized in the picture,) the bulging eyes, and the large, hairy wart on the chin. James probably would have been laughing too, if he hadn't known that he was going to be in _deep _trouble when the professor saw it. Which she did.

"Nice one, James," gasped Sirius, who was clutching his stomach from laughing so hard. James' weak smile at the compliment utterly vanished when he saw that Professor Jenkins had spotted the offending picture.

"Damn," he muttered under his breath as the professor slowly approached the picture. Not saying a word, she picked up James' quill, which had obviously been the one used. Still not speaking, she walked over to where James and Sirius were stationed. James saw that she was too furious to speak. So angry, in fact, that she looked remarkably like an overripe tomato, though James was wise enough not to mention it during this dangerous situation. 

Professor Jenkins grabbed James by the front of his robes, dragged him over to where a stack of dirty magic cauldrons lay waiting, and managed to choke out, "Saturday. After b-breakfast. C-clean ink now." 

James nodded, and with clenched fists walked back to his desk. He noticed that there was a little brown parcel sitting by his cauldron. 

"What's this?" he whispered to Sirius, warily eyeing Professor Jenkins, who was now yelling at Peter and Remus that they were absolutely hopeless.

"What? Er, I don't know. I didn't notice it was there," Sirius replied, barely looking at the package. He was still staring at the portrait. "I didn't know you could draw!"

"I can't," James said, annoyed.

"What do you mean?" asked Sirius, "That picture's really good! In fact, why don't you do one of Snape for me? In hot pink dress robes, perhaps. I'll even pay you for it."

"I told you, I can't!" James said angrily, stuffing his books in his bag so that he could go over to wipe the ink off from the wall.

"But--"

"I didn't draw it," James said. "Lily did. I know she did."

"Lily?" Sirius asked skeptically. Then he grinned. "Well, you never know in what form Mischief-Makers will show up. Say, maybe _she'll_ draw a picture of Snape for me."

James sighed. "Yeah, I bet she will," he told Sirius. He noticed the parcel again, and when the professor wasn't looking, he opened it. Inside lay a pair of pink rubber gloves and a note, reading:

_Thou_**_G_**_ht y_**_O_**_u migh_**_T_**_ need these for _**_C_**_auldron duty. _**_H_**_appy scrubbing, J_**_A_**_mes!_**_!_**_ _

_ _

# Growling, he crumpled up the note into his clenched fist and stuck the revolting gloves into the garbage disposal. He'd stick his hands in a cauldronful of bubotuber pus before he'd wear anything pink. Speaking of pink…

James grinned as he started plotting his next prank. "I am _so_ good," he said to himself. Then, he caught Professor Jenkins' glaring eye and hastily busied himself with cleaning up the portrait on the wall.

***

Lily sat on her bed, brushing her luxurious hair before she went to sleep. Yawning, she set down her brush and walked over to her trunk, from which she extracted a little jar.

"What do you have there, Lily?" asked Celeste a bit sleepily.

"A new face cream," Lily replied, as she applied some onto her forehead and cheeks and rubbed it in. "It's supposed to make my skin softer."

"Are you sure it doesn't have any side effects or anything?" asked Kyla. "I used some that my sister gave me once, and I couldn't stop dancing the cha cha all day."

Lily decided not to comment on that. "No, I don't think there's anything wrong with it," she told Kyla. "There can't be. It's muggle cream. But if I start dancing the samba tomorrow, I give you permission to say, 'I told you so.'"

With that, Lily recapped the little pot of cream, placed it on her nightstand, and snuggled down onto her feather pillows.

***

"Lily?"

Lily vaguely heard someone call her name. She wasn't sure where she was, but it seemed like she was standing in a clearing in the Forbidden Forest.

"Lily!" someone called again.

"I'm here!" she tried to call out, but she had no voice. She wondered if the muggle face cream she had applied last night was the cause of her muteness. In a brief moment of panic, she had a wild thought that maybe the muggles had discovered all about the magical world, and had learned to make their own potions and cast their own spells. Then, her voice of reason reminded her, the reason that they _were_ muggles was because they _couldn't_ make potions or cast spells. Calming down a little, she saw a person with black hair standing about twenty feet away from her, beside a clump of raspberry bushes.

The person called out yet again, "Lily!" and she approached cautiously. The person's face was blurry, as if somebody had rubbed it over, but it was definitely a boy who was calling her.

"Who are you?" she tried to ask, but she still couldn't talk. Instead, the boy grinned at her, (or rather, she _thought_ he did, she really couldn't tell,) and said, "Wake up."

"What?" thought Lily.

"Wake up, Lily," the boy said again, but this time the voice was feminine. "Wake up, wake up…"

Lily realized that somebody was shaking her. It was Kyla.

"Huh?" asked Lily groggily. She realized that she had been asleep, and that she had been dreaming.

"Lily, look at your face!" Kyla shrieked.

Alarmed, Lily reached up and felt her face. It felt normal. 

"What's wrong?" she asked her friend. "Your face is red."

"Can't be as bad as yours!" Kyla yelled, shoving a small Art Deco mirror into Lily's hand. 

Lily gaped at her reflection before letting out a scream. Her lovely face, instead of being pale and freckled as usual, was pink. And not rosy pink either, but bright magenta. Lily screamed again.

"Wha--Who's strangling the cat?" asked Celeste sleepily.

"I told you!" said Kyla shrilly, pointing a finger at Lily almost accusingly. "I told you there was something wrong with that cream!"

"But how?" Lily wailed, rubbing at her face, hoping it would come off. "It was muggle cream! Even an allergic reaction wouldn't look like this! _Somebody_ had to put something--" She stopped.

"James," she muttered through clenched teeth. "I'll get him for this."

By now, Celeste was wide awake too. She stared at Lily for a few moments, before bursting into peals of laughter. 

"It's not funny!" Lily said crossly. "I can't go to classes like this! And today's the last day of exams!"

"Poor Lily," giggled Celeste. "Maybe you could wear a ski mask."

"Oh, _yeah_," huffed Lily. "Wear a ski mask in early June. _Great_ idea, Celeste!"

"It was just a suggestion," said Celeste, still giggling. "And I was just kidding. Come on, Lil, I think it's time to introduce you to the wonderful world of makeup."

"Makeup?" asked Lily, horrified. "I don't want to wear makeup!"

"Would you rather go out like that?" asked Celeste patiently.

"Well, no…"

"Then come on!" said Kyla enthusiastically. 

Reluctantly, Lily let her two friends drag her over to the makeup mirror. As they skillfully applied layers of foundation and powder, Lily vowed to not let James get away with this. Too bad school would be over in a few days. 

'_Oh well,'_ Lily thought, wincing as Kyla produced a pot of sparkly green eyeshadow. _'At least I'll have time to think about something really evil to do to him.'_

_ _

_ _

_ _


End file.
